Bo’s Blog

I have a very good mood and happy today.  Maybe the unhappiness season has finally moved on…

I was driving to work this morning, yes it was a long commute from West Sac to Fairfield, I was thinking I should be release because I finally detach my rebounder and I don’t need her anymore…..

Let me explain….

I was miserable last month about relationship, ex-married, and the broke up.  Life seems like the end and I blame myself for it.  Soon, rebounder appear, she is very pretty woman and the odd thing is she looks like one of my ex (the one I really love).  She looks like her and sounds like her.  We both used each other for filling the void of our heart.  I knew we will never make a good couple and she is too complicated that I knew it would never work out.  We had rules in this game, and I told her that the reason I like her because I got what I had lost in the past and feel good when people find lost things back. My rule is the day I start feeling in love that’s day I will leave.  I leave her couple weeks ago… 

I started to read a book call "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert.  Only a couple chapter, but yet the meaning of "Money can’t buy happiness"  I totally get it.  I have a couple questions about happiness and hopefully the book can reveals on how our mind works?  and What make me happy?

Friends always told me I am too demanding, yet I am a perfectionist.  Satisfactory come from achieving goals, and I always have a plan for me to follow it.  Which makes me unhappy, why?  Because things might not always goes by what you planned for.  To understand and solve this problem I need to know how my mind works?  And what is my purpose of life?  If I have kids no doubt that they are the purpose, but what is my purpose now?

Here are some of my goals in the next 18 months:

One of my new goal is I am going to do 70,000 push up in a year!

Bike to the top of Mt. Diablo.

Travel alone (never tried before, so it would be a new experience)

Double the size of the company and department.

I went to Monterey 3/16-3/18 for company retreat.  I had a great time with all those drunk business people.  It was nice that I can get drunk with my boss.  The whole event was more a supportive event for all the loan officers in my company.  We had about 450 people show up for this event and It was a good networking opportunity for me.  Being a new hire was difficult to fit it, but I think the environment was natural for me.  Hopefully I can make a different and my department will be grow big in the near future.

My friend told me to write it out.

My ex is getting married and it’s not like we ended on bad terms, we just grew apart.  It has been bothered me for more than 2 weeks now.  I feel moody, pissed off, and depress…

I have been dating different type of women in the past 2 years, but I haven’t found anyone serious yet.   Each new girlfriend was totally different, and the reason is I want to find out what I really like.

I know I would never get back together and I let it go a while ago, but I can’t get past this right now.  Why? I know I have a ton to offer someone, but haven’t found her yet, and that’s ok with me.  I guess I feel cheated in a way.  They not even dated a year and she is getting married.

Maybe I felt I lost the race, just not fair that I don’t have a serious someone.

Maybe I missed the feeling being in love.

I am very confuse and miserable right now…

Well, I do wish her the best and I am happy for her to find someone she really loves.

This is from an email sent from my friend.

今天去彌撒的時候，神父在講道的時候解釋了鍾意和愛的分別。神父說最大的分別
在於以誰為中心，以自己為中心的是為鍾意，以對方為中心的是為愛。就如你只會
鍾意咖啡、鍾意雪糕，因為這些東西令你快樂，滿足你的慾望。但若你愛一樣東
西，你會忘記自己，以對方為中心，一切都為對方著想，令對方幸福快樂。
請想清楚你對你的伴侶的是愛還是鍾意，若你是因為對方令你快樂而把對方留在身
邊，沒有想到對方是否快樂，這只是鍾意。若你為了對方願意犧牲自己，為令對方
快樂，這才是愛。如果幸運遇上一個同時相愛的人，真的可以完全忘掉自己，因為
對方會愛你如己，當然你也必需愛他如己。但真的幸運地遇上這麼一個人的，少之
又少，比中六合彩的機會還少。當你遇上這人的時候一定要好好珍惜，還沒遇到的
要努力喔。常存盼望，心存感激，定必找到你的真命天子。

Life changed so much since April, job, car, and life.

I currently work two jobs, I am a software engineer in HP (Roseville Campus) during the day and work telecommute for a small company call MortgageDocs at night.

Thanks for the busy schedule I am no longer have what you call “life” anymore.  I don’t even has time for movie, photography, or dating.  The good side is I can pay off a new car in a year and have money to do my yard and marry (in some day).

Last month I traded in my lovely Acura MDX and get a new Sicon Xb.  I love the Xb, it is a perfect commute car and I don’t have to worry about mileages and gas money as much as the past.  I am not use to drive an economy car, but in this stage of life “nice” has a totally different meaning now.

My darkest nightmare had finally come in a peaceful Monday afternoon.

I was so miserable and the emotions were mix that I had never felt before.

The initial shock was devastating and it felt like I lost a love one.

After a long smoke break, all those negative thoughts changed to positive.

I realize what I did two months ago was right and that is what I wanted all along so I can have my life back.

I am free, and finally I can close the chapter and start a new chapter freely.

I finally escape the prison of the past.

I guess you guys won’t see any sad photography from me now.

When we were young, we had many dreams, we never thought
anything was impossible, we were not afraid to dream
anything.

However, when we grew up, we slowly began to lose our dreams,
we started to accept the "REALITY". We began to accept the
constraints and the limitations of this world. We
know that there are certain things we can not do, and
there are certain things we can’t achieve.

Did you really think about where these thoughts of
impossibility came from? Who told you "You Can" or "You
Can’t"?

I think you know the answer, nobody told you, you told
yourself. It is the little voice inside you who said
constantly to you that you can’t do something, and you
always believe what it says.

This little voice is your ego, it’s meant to protect you
from dangers. However its only reference point is your
past, it makes every judgment by referring to your past
experiences. Therefore, everything it told you is based on
your past experiences, not reality.

I still have dreams and the little kid inside of me still there.

Finally I have time to write about our trip to Napa Valley on July 16, 2005.  The weather was nice that Saturday, it was a 105 degree in Sacramento so we were glad that we escape heat.  I wish the weather was cooler so we can do more photography.  I just lost all the patient standing under the hot sun, but I gather myself to take a couple of good shots.

1 stop: Stags Leap - their wine is alright not too impressive, so I got nothing to say. 

2 stop: Miner Vineyards – Their Viognier is the best smell good and very refreshing.  I love their Cabs it has 11% Cabernet Frac which made the Cab has a little bit of sweet in it.  It is perfect for me.

3 stop:  Lunch Time at A&W

4 stop:  Silver Oak – Finally I can taste their Cabs.  The Alexander Valley 100% Cab was the best 100% Cab wine I ever tasted.  I can’t resist to buy a bottle.

5 stop:  Opus One -  Perfect red but way over price.

6 stop:  Dinner and I forgot the name, food is alright.

I had a lot of fun during this July 4th weekend. Crazy housewarming party, fireworks, BBQ, and jet ski on the river.  The happy hours always go fast than you wanted, so much fun that I can’t use words to express the joy I had on this weekend. My house still has all the laughter and happiness that my dearest friends had brought.  I can’t wait for the next house party.

Will you come?

Bo

Yesterday 6/29/2005 was the first day I get back to cycling.  45 minutes of fast ride (20 mph) is tough (yeah it is aging), hopefully will do better for now on.

I have been putting it down about 6 years now.  I been training hard in gym just to make sure I can get back to the game.  After years and years of smoking it is hard for me, and quitting smoke is the best thing I did for myself this year.  Hopefully I will ride an average of 50 mils a week.  My goal is the summit of Mountain Diablo.